The Eggplant Expectation vs. Excoriation: My Aubergine Experience in Review

If you follow my Instagram, you know I promised to deliver a recipe and report on my new vegetable cooking conquest: the eggplant. I regret to inform you, dear followers, that I will not be able to hold good on my promise of a recipe as I found it (the eggplant itself) thoroughly reprehensible.

For the record, it didn’t taste that terrible. The terrible part has been the feeling I’ve been experiencing since eating it.

This is what it feels like:

When you have a hangover and feel like your whole body is drying out from the inside, starting with your mouth. I’ve experienced the Las Vegas Motor Speedway in June, and my body is dryer than that, right now.

When you have a hangover and throwing up is imminent with each second your eyes are open and awake.

When you have the stomach bug and you fear drinking water because you know in just a few moments it is coming right back up.

How Katy Perry’s lover must have felt when he was hot then cold, and yes then no.

Did I mention it’s past midnight and I can’t sleep????

I think it goes without saying that me and eggplant are done and we are never, ever, ever getting back together.

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